Friday, December 12, 2008

On the 1st day of Christmas

Sorry. I'm not a fan of the song Twelve Days of Christmas. I'm using this gimmick to motivate me to post something every day for the next...well...twelve days, as the song goes. But maybe it will create a new habit for me in the meantime and I'll start posting more than once or twice a month.

So, without further ado, on the first day of Christmas, Crossroads gave to me- 1 hour of laughter. We have many talented creatives in our community and Neil Smith is one of the best. He created this for our current series "We Wish You a Messy Christmas" - Enjoy!



As our senior pastor says, "I don't care who you are, THAT'S FUNNY!"

(If you are unable to view embedded video, here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd-dN-6GcNc )

Monday, December 8, 2008

Walk On

This is for Stacie, her sister, family and anyone grieving the loss of Sam Dillard. Stacie wrote a very articulate blog post about some deeply profound feelings. Well, the blog post is actually an excerpt from her journal. What she shared on her blog made me think of the lyrics from “Walk On” so I will attempt to tie them together here. I will not share all of what Stacie wrote, but you can visit her blog yourself for the rest: faithandart.blogspot.com, the link is over on the left.

Stacie said:
I'm conflicted because one moment I seem to "get" that this life is temporary. I mean, I don't just acknowledge it but really fully feel it. This world and this life is only a very bad copy of what we're created to be and of the reality that God exists in.

I sense it so strongly sometimes that I almost feel like I could go out and kick the car in the driveway and it would crumble up like tissue paper. And if I blew into the air the clouds would part and the sky would ripple like a curtain - that's how strong a sense of falseness I have at times about this life. But then I stick out my foot and rest it on the coffee table. And realize how hard and solid it is. And the sense of hope I had from my (very) brief moment of understanding is gone.

As an artist I feel like sometimes I'm trying to communicate something I've actually never experienced. To create something with a beauty I've never actually seen but that I'm so sure of that it's painful and makes my chest hurt to think about it. I have no doubt that that beauty does exist, even though its full view is hidden from us.

I think what some people consider "the muse" is really just an unconscious act of "getting it." But they suffer less emotionally if they don't realize it's a real thing they're inspired by. It's easier to call it the muse; it doesn't make you so homesick (homesick for a place you've never been!)

Sam's death has made me homesick that way. Not like my sister would feel, wanting to be with him again. Mine is due more to having to continue to admit I still believe God is good. Which means that Sam is in that place now - the place that is just out of my reach when I think I have it, or that surprises me when flashes of it show through just the right combination of color and transparency. Or a photograph. or a song that makes me almost cry - not because it's sad but because they lyrics or melody remind me of that place where I belong but have still never seen.

Well said, my dear friend. And here’s why the U2 song “Walk On” was the soundtrack in my head while reading Stacie’s blog:

And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight...

You're packing a suitcase for a place none of us has been
A place that has to be believed to be seen
You could have flown away
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly, only fly for freedom

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
And you can only take so much
Walk on, walk on

Home...hard to know what it is if you never had one
Home...I can't say where it is but I know I'm going home
That's where the heart is

So, for Stacie and her family who loved Sam and knew intimately the ways he demonstrated God’s truth and grace daily- walk on. God is faithful and Christ is our redeemer in ways we can’t even imagine.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Making Room

Lately I've been noticing how busy everyone seems to be. My friends who are married with children stay busy taking care of their family. And my single friends seem to stay even more busy. In talking to some of my single friends we have confided in each other that when all the busy-ness is done, at the end of the day, there is a little loneliness lingering. I am always busy. And I like it that way, mostly. Every once in a while I think I should stop being so busy and then there would be more time for things I say I want or think I need. Inevitably, when I make an effort to be less busy, it lasts for maybe a month. After about a month, I start to think I should get more involved in something. If I'm not busy I notice I spend too much time doing things I don't really care that much about.

Being the single witty, wise, sexy redhead that I am, some friends wonder why I'm not dating anyone. The answer I usually give is that nobody has asked me out. One of my guy friends (who is married) said I've probably had guys who wanted to ask me out, but since I wasn't interested or attracted to that unspecified guy, I didn't notice and therefore no opportunity was created for an actual date. I sometimes wonder if it is because I'm too busy. But I know that's not it. Because we can always make room for love. Ask anyone who has made room for Jesus in their heart. They will probably tell of how their time commitments have changed as a result.

For further example of my point, I will share a quote from Brian Andreas titled "Making Room." I first became a fan of Brian Andreas when I stumbled upon his stuff in an funky artsy fartsy store in Philadelphia in the early 90's. Being a writer, the first print of his I purchased included a quote about stories. For several years after that my mom gave me either a Brian Andreas print or book for every Christmas and Birthday. So, I have a nice little collection. Anyway, this quote is how I suspect things will happen when my future husband and I meet:

"When I first met her I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there'd be room for her to stay."

I guess my prayer is that my future husband and I are not so busy when we meet that we think we can or should re-schedule that time to make room for each other to stay.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Power of Forgiveness

My writing partner is a bigger film geek than I am. He often brings my attention to films I would not have heard of otherwise. "The Power of Forgiveness" is out on DVD, but I have not seen it as of this writing. For more information visit www.thepowerofforgiveness.com - In the meantime, here is an interview with the filmmaker:

An Interview with the Filmmaker
Writer and Director of BONHOEFFER
Q. How did you come to make this film?
A. Well, this film really had its origins a few years ago. Dan Juday and I went down to a conference in Atlanta, Georgia, where researchers, mostly scientists, were presenting the results of the research they were doing in the world of forgiveness. You had psychologists, you had health care physicians, and what you really saw for the first time was the confluence of two worlds coming together around the topic of forgiveness. You have the tradition of the faith communities - all the great faiths talk about the value of forgiveness; they have for centuries - but now you had the scientists and the healthcare world talking about the virtue of forgiveness.

We had about a hundred story ideas that we were looking at to come up with the stories for the film. We wanted to make sure that we had stories that spoke both to the faith tradition and to the new work that was being done in science. We also wanted to do one other thing, which was to say that forgiveness works really on a couple of different dimensions. It's about one person being hurt and forgiving one other person. But sometimes too the idea forgiveness works for groups, communities, and nations. And it was a balance of that personal and collective sense of forgiveness that I thought would make for an interesting film.

Q. What was the most memorable part of the process?
A. Forgiveness is really one of the hardest things we’re asked to do, in terms of our relationships with other people. The word itself opens up the deepest chambers in our heart and soul. One of the aspects of forgiveness that I had not really thought about until I started doing the film was the aspect of self forgiveness. Even the best people have a hard time getting to forgiveness, being able to forgive themselves for what they’ve done or what they’ve failed to do. As we began to see the stories unfold, this aspect of self forgiveness seemed as though it was playing a role in each one of the stories again and again. For me it's become one of the most critical learning moments in the making of the film.

Q. What's the relationship between forgiving and forgetting?
A. Somewhere along the line the words forgive and forget got joined at the hip, and I'm not sure why. People would say to us, “I can't forget what happened, so how can I even begin to forgive?” But what we're hearing from people was not about forgetting what happened. It was about how you remember, and what you do with that memory, how you incorporate the memory of that pain and suffering and how you get over that pain, how it affects your relationships going forward. In some ways it is redeeming to feel as though you aren’t being asked to forget what happened, only to come to a new awareness of how you're going to carry forward a memory that you can't get rid of anyway most important lessons in making the film.

Q. What's the relationship between forgiveness and justice?
A. I think in the 21st century we're living in a justice-focused culture. Justice is about righting the past. But that's always done by human beings who are as imperfect as we are. So you don't always get the justice that you hope for. Sometimes you don’t get justice at all. You don't have control over it. But you do have some control over how you want to see your relationships unfolding, and that's where forgiveness can really play a big role. You have control over what you want to forgive someone for, outside of the justice program. Justice, in terms of forgiveness, is not about opening up the prisons and letting the prisoners go. You have an obligation to protect yourself and to protect your loved ones. People do terrible things, evil things. But how do you exact that justice? Is it done in a spirit of anger and revenge, or is it done with some level of balance and compassion? Sometimes getting to the world that we want to get to means not exacting a pound of flesh. Sometimes compassion and mercy actually can get us to the place we all want to get to.

Having just celebrated Thanksgiving, I am also reminded of the power of gratitude. Here is one of my favorite quotes about gratitude:

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more…It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
~Melodie Beattie

Here's to exploring the depths of God's truth and grace through practicing gratitude and forgiveness.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

In Communion

My thoughts about communion and being in communion with our triune God are steeped in intimacy(into-me-see). Intimacy with friends, intimacy with brothers & sisters in Christ, and intimacy with God. I cherish the gift of intimacy. I am blessed beyond measure to have intimacy with God. When most people think of communion, they think of eating a wafer and sipping grape juice. Or maybe they think of dipping a morsel of bread into a goblet of wine. But not many people naturally embrace the idea of communion looking like sharing a pizza with a friend. And that is my favorite way to celebrate communion. Sharing a meal, any meal, with my brothers and sisters in Christ and having a conversation filled with love and joy while thanking God for Christ's sacrifice. To further illustrate, here's a poem my friend Betsy wrote about communion:

Communion, not just about Christ's death
but every aspect:
incarnation and humble things
humanness and hunger
all the meals
all the miracles
all the talking

the 'last' supper
and the one after that

the breakfast on the beach
the feast that's waiting in heaven
(think of the guest list!)

not to mention the things before
(the old covenant
the first world
before the flood
before the fall)

all
there.

Think about that the next time you say "no thanks, I'll just eat at my desk."
Think about that the next time you say "oh, no, drive-through's fine."

whenever you eat this
whenever you drink this
whenever you do this
its me.


Betsy posted that on her blog several months ago and I think it is beautiful. It proclaims the deep reverence we should all have for the gift of communion.


Regarding the intimacy I feel with God, I express this through a playlist. Music can submerge me completely into pure praise for our amazing creator, provision, and daily redeemer. When I arranged this playlist I selected each song carefully. Most of the songs would not normally be considered "worship songs" but for me they are. When I let these lyrics saturate my being, I imagine them as conversations with God. I imagine (depending on the lyrics) that either I am singing these words to God or that God is singing these words to me. It would take too much space to share all the lyrics. So I am only sharing the playlist below and encourage you to listen to these songs in the order below at your own leisure. Imagine being in communion with God with every lyric in this playlist:


All I Want is You – U2

Spirit – The Waterboys

Picture of Jesus – Ben Harper

The Story – Brandi Carlisle

Have a Little Faith in Me- John Hiatt

I Found Love- Lone Justice

Everywhere I Go- The Call

You’re My Best Friend – Queen

Give it Up – Hothouse Flowers

Trumpets – The Waterboys

Gloria – U2

Golden – Jill Scott

Unspeakable Joy – Kim English

The Whole of the Moon – The Waterboys


These songs are examples of the way I pray. I pray with a heart seeking God's perfect truth and grace in everything


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Diving Bell & The Butterfly

This post is a tribute to my father who passed away this time last year. While watching the Diving Bell & the Butterfly recently, I cried the hardest I have cried over the loss of my father since the day he passed. I do love a good cathartic cry and this movie was just what I needed to help my grieving process.

Here I will quote the bare bones description of the movie I found on Wikipedia:

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is a 2007 film based on the memoir of the same name by Jean-Dominique Bauby. The film depicts Bauby's life after suffering a massive stroke at the age of 43,[1] which left him with a condition known as locked-in syndrome. The condition paralyzed him, with the exception of his left eyelid, so that he could only communicate by blinking. The film was directed by Julian Schnabel, written by Ronald Harwood and stars Mathieu Amalric as Bauby. It won awards at the Cannes Film Festival, the Golden Globes and the BAFTA Awards, as well as four Academy Award nominations."

Here I will attempt to describe how it facilitated a great cry of grief over missing my Dad:

I can't. Really. There are a few specific scenes that prompted the tears, but to describe those scenes out of context of the entire beautiful movie is probably futile. If you have experienced the movie already you will remember these scenes. The scene where Bauby is having a flashback of his last visit with his aging and ailing father. He's remembering shaving his father and the banter they had during the shave. And at one point his father (played by Max von Sydow) looks up at him a little bewildered and says he can't remember what he was going to say. Then says, "Oh yes, I'm proud of you." Well, as soon as the shaving scene started I was a puddle. My dad was a brilliant man. But in his final few years he slipped further and further into dementia. He started having seizures and mini-strokes so we had to take care of him. Before we moved him to the nursing home permanently, I would shave him. I also bathed him and changed his diaper. It was heartbreaking to see him deteriorate. He had been my source of stability for most of my life. But even as his mind slipped away, he would remember his family and tell us he loved us.

My dad was a great man. He spent his life in service to his community. He was extremely Christ-like in that I never heard a word of judgment escape his lips. Never. His community service is without a doubt what inspires my servant's heart. Even in the years I was not a Christ follower, I found a way to serve and contribute to my community in positive ways. And I know that he was proud of my serving efforts.

In The Diving Bell & The Butterfly, Bauby at first does not want his children to see him in his paralyzed state. Eventually he decides that being a partial father to his children is better than them not having a father at all. And there is a scene where his children come to spend Father's Day with him. Much of the movie is shot from Bauby's point of view, from his limited view through his left eye. At the end of the Father's Day scene, his children sing a song for him and then the viewer sees (from Bauby's paralyzed view) the children kiss him good-bye. Again, I was a puddle. I imagined what it was like in Dad's final days to feel helpless as his family came to visit in the nursing home and as we kissed him good-bye.

It would have been easy for my dad to give up and sink to the bottom of the ocean in his own private diving bell. But when interviewed by social workers, he never even hinted at self-pity. In fact, he said he knew his strength came from God and he therefore felt blessed. Towards the end of his life, he would ramble about whatever fantasy he was entertaining that day. After seeing this movie, I now know that was his way of remaining a butterfly.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

2001: A Space Odyssey

One of the many things I love about my church community are the wide range of smaller community groups to choose from. With over 8K regular attendees, it helps to have small groups to get to know others around here. And after almost 7 years, I am blessed with LOTS of friends I met through either serving roles or small groups. One of my favorites was just launched last year and it is called Reel to Real. Twice a month the guys who created this group pull out the carnival-style popcorn machine and choose a flick to view and discuss. I love this group! I only made it to a few last year, but I immensely enjoyed all of them. The facilitators, Don and Andy, do a great job of creating talking points and always list a few bible verses that correspond on some level.

We kicked off this season recently with a viewing of 2001: A Space Odyssey. This is one of those films that, unless you have lived as a media deprived hermit your whole life, everyone knows something about...even if it is just the famous musical score. I had seen bits and pieces before and had heard all sorts of references to it, but had never watched the whole thing start to finish. WOW! How truly visionary to have put this together for release in 1968! The foresight into how the space program would evolve when we hadn't even landed on the moon yet- genius. The foresight into how dependent society would become on computers-awesomely prophetic. The movie as a whole- clearly drug induced! And the discussion after viewing- priceless. Many jokes were made about what drug inspired the end of the movie. And many jokes were made about who in the group may have been stoned the first time they saw it, if they had seen it in the theaters in 1968.

Seriously, great observations were made by several people. Some had read the book series and had extra insights to certain scenes, some weren't sure they even liked the movie but had great comments anyway, and we made thought provoking connections about humanity and God along the way. There was a lot of laughter. Especially when I had the audacity to suggest the chimps at the beginning of the movie could actually hear the singing associated with the big black monolith. The group looked at me so strangely upon this suggestion that I questioned whether I was the only one who could hear the singing at all! Very funny stuff...but maybe you had to be there. In fact, if you live in Cincinnati, you should join us sometime!