Good Grief

This post has been brewing for quite a while. I almost did my tribute to my dad in October around this theme. And I'm not quite sure where my ramblings will take us today. I just sense deeply I need to write on this. Since my first inspiration on this theme in October, my dear friend Stacie lost her brother-in-law suddenly (see post titled Walk On)to an aneurysm in November. Then in December my church community experienced a tragic loss during a Christmas performance.

What I've learned throughout all of these losses is that the grief process is good. I always thought it was an odd expression when Charlie Brown said "Good Grief." But now I see that he knew what he was saying. And grief manifests in different ways for all of us. In the Bible it talks of people ripping their clothes and wailing. When my dad passed grief took the form of feeling a lack of job security or stability. I remember thinking with certainty I would be fired when I returned from my bereavement leave. I later confessed that fear to my boss and she laughed at me. It was nowhere near the truth, my bosses love me and for some reason think I do a great job.

Again, one of the things I love about my church community is that they fully embrace and encourage the grief process and whatever form that takes from day to day. At the prayer service the day after a performer fell to her death in front of an audience of at least 2k, our senior pastor grieved publicly with anger and tears. It was authentic and moving to witness. And this weekend he delivered a powerful message where he acknowledged that part of his grief process and prayed a public prayer to God to apologize for accusing Him of not being there to save the woman who died. He made an excellent point about letting God be God and that means taking people in His timing according to His Will. I'm not doing it justice, but as of Jan 8th you will be able to watch the video of the service at www.crossroads.net.

And another aspect of grief I've been pondering lately is grieving loneliness. And I'm not talking about the Eleanor Rigby level of loneliness. As I mentioned in my post titled "Making Room," no matter a person's level of busy-ness, in most cases if the person doesn't have a spouse to share life with, they experience loneliness. I think there is a reason God said it was not good for Adam to be alone and why He created Eve to be Adam's mate. The intimacy of a marriage is the next best thing to our intimacy with God.

I had the day after Christmas off and found myself watching things I don't usually get to watch, like The View. Whoopie Goldberg said something I think is true. She said something to the effect of people feel lonely when they feel uncomfortable. True for me. There are days that I feel totally comfortable alone in my apartment and I don't feel lonely. But if I've been out socializing and enjoying fellowship with friends and I go home to an empty apartment, I feel lonely. I notice that when I'm feeling lonely I sleep better on the couch. Like the back of the couch is a surrogate for the warm body of a spouse or something. On that same episode of The View, Nicole Kidman was a guest and she talked about how lonely she felt when she went home alone after winning her Oscar. I thought that was profound proof of my point. Obviously she has many many friends and had just been affirmed in her craft with the highest honor of an Oscar. So feeling loved and appreciated were not what she was missing. She was missing having somebody to share that joy with on an intimate level.

Whether they talk about it openly or not, I think anyone over the age of 30 who is single grieves their loneliness. And if they don't let themselves grieve their loneliness and don't experience Good Grief, then they just get bitter. Come to think of it, the same happens regarding grieving the death of a loved one. In God's infinite wisdom and perfect balance of Truth and Grace, He shows us several examples in the Bible of GOOD GRIEF!